OK. I'll admit it. There's a musician friend of whom I'm jealous. I'm not talking simple, "Wow! I wish I could play like that!" but a terrible emotional pang that skews and twists my perceptions. No juicy name-dropping here because his/her identity is irrelevant. What's on my mind is the nature of this complex and ugly beast we call "Jealousy."
At its core, I think jealousy stems from insecurity. It's not about the person of whom one's envious rather what that person embodies that is unfulfilled in the jealous person's life. The musician is great at his/her craft, successful, and an absolutely delightful human being. I have absolutely no reason to bear resentment. However, when I see a performance of said musician, I yearn to be in a similar place in life, to have done things differently to be there, and to be as wonderful of a person.
This evening, I came to terms with my feelings but decided to do something about it. While I can't change the way I naturally react to the world around me, I can take steps to address the core of what's bothering me. I don't work hard enough at my craft. I practice several hours a day but certainly don't practice in the most efficient ways. I can be more pro-active in setting and achieving short and long term goals to get to where I want to be. Basically, I can give life my all and leave myself no room for excuses and regrets.
And as far as my becoming a better person, the best I can do is to make life as pleasant for the people around me as possible and hope that my actions bring them happiness and fulfillment.